Stumbling Along

For me, biking provides a time to clear my head. There is something about your legs and hands being engaged, rolling down the road, while your mind is free to process thoughts. I know many others feel this same way. Some of my very best poetry and ideas have come to me while on a bike. Today I took time for a long ride down a river road with the sole purpose of “thinkin’ a problem out”.

This has been a difficult summer as my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma cancer. Suddenly all our plans came to a screeching halt when the MRI showed 12 tumors throughout his body. Nothing mattered except getting him healthy again. We tackled the diagnoses with drugs and diet and stepped forward into an unknown future. Fast forward a few months and things are looking good for his health. Yet there remain a few things that are still rumbling around in my head which required a long bike ride to sort out. The question was about balance.

Balance: Finding the balance between being present and having a plan. When he was really sick, every single day was a blessing and all we cared about was that day. Simple things like getting enough food into him. That intense “being present” gave the both of us real joy, real happiness one day at a time. But you also need a plan from one day to the next. One must know their path while being able to see the next adventure.

Having a plan, following it stubbornly, is almost like an opiate, we are so intent on the end we forget the present. We can be looking so far forward we are oblivious to the golden adventure of the new present. As I peddled out the miles, came to conclusion that the blessing of his illness was the stark reminded to be here now. To be thankful for the reminder to appreciate this day, this minute,

This afternoon I was given a clear indication of how much better he felt, as he asked me to join him on a brief ride, along the river.